Today, I was catching up on some much needed DVR’d “The Secrets of Aspen” while lounging on my chaise and I an arachnophobic heart attack. A spider WEBBED it’s way down from my VAULTED ceilings onto my cozy homemade blanket (you know, those fleece blankets everybody made in college that you just tie together?)

I DIED A LITTLE!!!

My boyfriend isn’t home so I had to act fast and smart. I thought I got the little asshole in my blanket so I ran to my balcony and tried to air it out, like those old women in rural European towns do. But no little black ball with legs for days came falling out. I turn around and it’s sipping a mai tai on the edge of my chaise!

Ok, breathe, he’s not moving. He’s old. Old and rickety. Good for me, bad for him. I get a paper towel and zero in on him. 5 minutes later I mustered up the courage to go in for the kill. I got him! I GOT HIM!

I made a mad dash to the bathroom and gave him a proper burial.

I’m such a girl. I’m sweating and I still feel him crawling on me. His ghost is haunting me!

Just FYI- I ran around the house and lysol’d every corner and doorway in hopes to send a message to his comrades.